yes is not just a word its a feeling.
It creates a sense of positivity and affirmation. At most times when you receive yes as a response it makes you feel happy. Imagine creating that positive, affirmative and happy feeling in your child, to stay with him forever.
As a child grows from a new born to a toddler NO becomes a parent’s favorite word and most parents continue to use it for quiet long.
” hey, don’t touch that”,” what are you doing”, “please don’t”.
“don’t go there” “don’t walk so fast” “don’t put that in your mouth” “don’t bend ” “don’t lean” “don’t go there” “don’t eat that”, “don’t mess the place”
“No running”, ” no going out”, “no playing”, ” no jumping”
No!!! No!!! No!!!
Imagine you constantly being told a no for everything you want to do… A ‘no’ by your boss, by your partner, by your parents.. Always a no..aaahhh!! It is annoying.. Isn’t it??
Why do that with a child?
Why take him away from being affirmative for life?
Why should I avoid no?
The more you use the word NO the lower the self esteem of the child gets.
He will feel less confident about himself and his actions.
Every time you say no, you lower the enthusiasm of your child to learn and explore his surroundings.
In the due course of time, your child may just not take initiatives with the fear of being rejected.
The child becomes rebellious.
‘No’ parents make ‘No’ children.
A close friend of mine complained that my daughter says a no for everything I say, Whether it is to greet someone or to pick her toys from the living room.
The reason is simple she has adopted what she heard since her childhood. Its you who started saying a no for everything, why blame her?
In the school where i taught, I observed that a teacher who used the word no often would desensitize her students towards the word. It does not holding any meaning for them.
How can I become a yes parent ?
Is it really possible to say a yes for everything? Would I not spoil my child that way? Am I suppose to say yes when my child asks for ice cream and has a running nose?
When I urge you to become a yes parent, I do not advocate you fulfilling every demand of your child. This has its own repercussions.
I do not say allow your child to play with fire or a knife.
The trick here is to say a no without creating negative emotions.
Alternative to saying a NO
Diversion of attention
One method which is likely to work well is diversion of attention. So if your child is banging the table or flinging things around, instead of constantly asking hin not to do it divert his attention towards something else. Pick him up take him to some other place. or Hand over some toys to play with or Assign some responsibility.
Allow the child to experience
If your toddler insists on having a fork or knife to play with allow him to experience it under your supervision and explain why you do not want him to play with it.
Postpone the desire
This technique can work with older kids. Toddlers usually donnot comprehend time. But under any circumstances avoid making false promises.
Listen to the desire attentively and discuss it creatively
No desire is unreasonable. What if your will was considered unimportant and insignificant. Why make the child believe what he wants is of no concern to his parents? Listen to what he wants, discuss it, ask him what his plans are. From there you can probably create a story and have a healthy conversation with your child instead of simply saying you cant have what you want.
Handling a tantrum/misbehavior
One thing parents and teachers must avoid is humiliating the child in public.
I observed a significant change in one of my students since I started talking to him privately. I would take him out of the classroom or have a moment with him alone and explain instead of saying anything in front of the entire class.
So in case your child is throwing a tantrum make sure you take you child in a corner or another room and talk about what he wants. Hug him tight and tell him why the behavior is not accepted.
In case you have to say a No.. Reasoning is a must….
Use terms like all right, alright, very well, of course,by all means, sure, certainly,absolutely, indeed, agreed more often.
“Always treat your child the way you want others to treat him”