When I meet my husband after a long day – for him at work and me at home, the one statement I say to him almost everyday is – “I am exhausted”.
A couple of days ago, when we got a little time to ourselves after the boy of the house retired for the day, I happen to tell my husband – “he troubled me a lot today”. About thirty minutes later, I could hear the melody of the slight snore of my husband that has become lullaby to my ears, but my eyes were wide open and my mind lost in a deep ocean of thoughts.
I had just said – “he troubled me a lot” in context with how my little two and a half year old had “behaved” that day. I was slightly astonished with my choice of words and truly ashamed.
What could have a two and a half year old done to trouble me?
Allow me to introspect!
My little boy does not only love being in charge of his own everyday chores but is also a natural eager learner. Which means he would want to do all his chores by himself, and imitate the ones that I do which include cooking, dusting, washing, and other work. He expresses anger by screaming and won’t shy away from hitting either, he throws tantrums, wants to bathe atleast a couple of times a day, has his preferred choice of toys, creates a lot of mess, wants me to be available at all times… And, And, Ummm, I am thinking hard to be able to point out what else “bothers” me. I’ll stop here for now!
So is this what I think bothers me?
To conclude, for me to not be troubled by my child – the child is to comply at all times and in all ways. He must conform with my orders and instructions. He must meet my specified standards or stand disciplined.
And to top it all, once I have managed to irk him by not allowing him to follow his instinctive actions – I do not allow his to express his sadness or sorrow wholeheartedly.
No more crying
Curb the drama
Being able to express oneself wholely, freely and deeply is a beauty worth valuing. What if I cried and was asked to behave myself?
Crying is a full-blown expression deep from within the heart and soul because he feels unregarded and violated. But obviously there is crankiness and whining that are mere tantrums too.
As parents we desire our kids to be well behaved, polite and agreeable. It’s convenient for us to “demand” that. We all do our best for our kids. But inspite of those efforts When they complain we are left clueless, irked, stressed and perplexed.
We have weird expectations from kids as young as toddlers. And if those expectations are not met, we begin to discipline a child.
In an attempt to fix the situation and to fix his behaviour we forget to fix the child. His is going to gain nothing if Love is withheld. And we unintentionally withhold Love when a child need some it the most.
So basically his tantrums are going last longer, the mess is going to get messier, the mischief has just begun. But now that the fire to explore is lit, I shouldn’t let it fade.
I need to remind myself over and over and over again that it’s me who is a rational adult. I may have to say a No, I may disagree with his behaviour, I may be upset, or even hurt, but to love unconditionally and to empathise with him is something I can never forget to do.
He has just begun to shine and is on a path of discovering and developing his worth and self-esteem. I must love his so called negatives as much as I love him otherwise. Because if I shun certain qualities, I may risk accepting his wholeness.
And ofcourse, now that I watch this little human do just want I do, I mustn’t forget that he sees himself in the mirror of my eyes. He sees himself the way I see him! That’s divine and majestic.. And so I must see him as a WHOLE.
Now I am only left wondering, had he troubled me that day or was it the other way round?