A parent’s love is neutral. But as parents it’s hard to not compare two children.
Me being the older child had set a certain benchmark for my younger sister. Little did I know, all these years of being compared with me, could have left an irrevocable impact on her psyche. I asked her to write down what it was like to be a younger sibling. And this will explain you exactly why you shouldn’t ever compare two siblings.
Note from my younger sister
“I never had to ask your sister to do it”, “You sister was so good at her work”, “Learn from your sister” ” look at her”, “oh,YOU are her sister?”
These are the kind of things I have heard all my life. Let me introduce myself to you, I am a shopoholic, a thinker, wannabe creative person, a teacher, a wife and my elder sisters younger sibling. Now, I am not writing this to point out, having a sister was a bad thing.
My older sister is my forever best friend, guide and a tough taskmaster. But she and I are poles apart. Be it personality wise, look wise or our style of presenting others.
You may ask why am I on this blog? Well, I am here to share my child and teenhood as a younger sibling.
My sister’s favourite hobby was studying. So momma bear would throughout the academic year (without sparing a day), nudge me that she was studying and I was not. And me, being me, would get pricked pretty soon and would lash out at her.
Then my sister loves to be prim and proper. Clothes crisply ironed and every extra hair plucked. Me; I’d like dripping ice cream from my cone at a social event! As a child I would always want to become like her. Was I losing my identity? Nott really! But I was craving for approval. My sister often says would behave like I was depressed for the longest time. Although I don’t think it was that severe, but this could have been one of the reasons for being sad.
I remember I did not tell a tutor that she is my sister because I thought he would start comparing.
Now life has it’s own game plan, I chose the same profession as hers and joined an institution where she worked earlier.
I was often asked, she was so good at her work why are you like this? Did they judge me more because they knew my sister? Where my errors escalated because I was not expected to work make errors just because we are siblings? I don’t know. But being treated this way was totally uncalled for.
Marriage, well here too I took my time to acquaint myself with my new life, the most common thing I heard was your sister is such a perfect homemaker you can do it too. She can cook very well. Why can’t you? Well, the answer is simple I am not her. We have our own demons. When I make a good portrait, no one said your sister can’t paint. When I scored just as much as her why did no one ask her to follow my study pattern.
I think My elder sister was for a major part of my life a god sent paradigm for me. But did a really need one?
Lets promise, we will never compare siblings, cousins, friends or anyone. No two people are alike. No child can be like another. Embrace the difference”